Andrea Kirby

At 58, my life finally makes sense. 

Yesterday, I received a diagnosis of ADHD and I now feel a profound sense of calm that now I had an answer. I understand things about me that have never made sense. I have always lived my life in chaos and happy accidents. I am somehow successful despite or because of this.  However after a series of mental and health challenges I have been left feeling burnt out. It’s time to reassess how I live and work. 

ADHD has some very positive attributes when you run events that have brought a community together.  Empathetic, energetic, spontaneous, creative, intuitive, imaginative, inventive, innovative, enthusiastic, hyper-focus on interests, and adventurous. 

It meant that I created Talentpalooza - and said, ‘let’s disrupt the usual corporate event, and create amazing content that pushes the boundaries. People will dress up and buy tickets.  Vendors will jump on board.’ And they did. I have just announced that we will do the 2025 Talentpalooza - and I am excited by it and it will be fabulous because of all the words that I have listed above. That is what I bring to the table. 

However, ADHD also has a negative side. Easily distracted, inattentive, forgetful, trouble listening, disorganised, talkative, difficult sleeping, daydreaming, hyperactive, poor time management, and a low frustration tolerance. 

None of these attributes lend themselves to organising events and keeping up with a growing community of Talent leaders and the brilliant people who support the events.  This year, doing it on my own without a team has been challenging. And yet, I have found a way to work but still, something hasn't felt right. 

Last night I had a panic attack. The calm had disappeared. I now have to do something about this. I cannot put it down to just being who I am - the fun-loving, gregarious, ‘loudest person in the room’ leader. There are ways to manage this and whilst I may be able to take the meds, I need to find a more holistic approach to managing life. 

This means that I will postpone the events for September, pushing them back to later in the year or the new year. And will concentrate on working out a plan going forward. I am resilient - I think the last few years have proven that. I am wise and I have several great role models around me that have also been diagnosed later in life and are making it work. All have reached out to offer support and guidance. I can do this but I need time to reflect and work it out. 

As Kath Day-Knight says, ‘Yes, I am high maintenance but I think you have got to be’ 

The diagnosis

I began to take heed when I was taking my son through his recent ADHD diagnosis. Completing the surveys through the Fluence Clinic for him made me question myself. Could it be? Michelle Edwards and Renae Peattie who have worked with me at Talent Table, often said I should get tested. They had a very close view of my working style. Other friends who have been recently diagnosed kept saying I should check it out. 

A podcast by Mel Robbins was the final catalyst for me.  She also talked about recognising ADHD in herself through her son’s diagnosis. Until then, like me, she was this ball of fun that drove everyone she worked with crazy. And as she went through the signs, I was ticking it off in my head. 

I am now post-menopausal and the symptoms of peri-menopause were exacerbated by ADHD. I had every peri symptom you can think of. So when I was forgetting names or having major mood swings that scared my family, I put it down to that.  However, that has passed and it still continued and found myself withdrawing from many social occasions.  And I think we all know I love a good social event! 

With this diagnosis, I am finally ready to turn the table on my mental health, adjust how I am working, spend time building new processes and systems for my work and home life, and lean into my wonderful friends and partners in the talent world to continue to be of service to the Talent Community in fresh ways and support and inspire others on their own mental health and wellness journeys.

The Research

Researchers say that it’s very common for women to be diagnosed later in life and are considered the lost generation who have struggled with ADHD and never knew it.  Unfortunately, there’s not much research on how this mental disorder affects adults who are past middle age. For many of us, we have developed coping strategies that mask common symptoms like inattentiveness. 

ADHD affects older women differently. This is especially true for women in their late 40s or early 50s in the years leading up to menopause. Your ADHD symptoms may become severe over the years.  When estrogen, a hormone responsible for reproduction, drops in your body, it also affects your dopamine levels. Dopamine is a brain chemical that’s already low in those with ADHD. This can lead to a spike in mood swings, feelings of depression and anxiety, and inability to focus for very long. If you’re going through perimenopause or menopause and notice severe ADHD symptoms, tell your doctor about it.

ADHD affects around one in twenty Australians, which is over 1.2 million people

ADHD is hereditary. You’re nine times more likely to get it if a close relative has it. And that is why so many women are now noticing the signs as we take our children for a diagnosis. And it gets worse as you get older, particularly when you lose your normal day to day structure such as after retirement or like me, starting your own business. 

Burnout

According to Dr Megan Anna Neff, ADHD burnout ‘is a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that can be caused by long-term, unmanaged ADHD symptoms and stressors. It is often characterised by feelings of overwhelming fatigue, reduced productivity, and a sense of hopelessness or despair’

In The State of Burnout report by Infinite Potential, burnout in women has grown to 42% up from 38% last year.  And yet it is decreasing in men. 

Recovering from burnout means that first you have to recognise the symptoms, identify what your triggers are, and then make plans to change it. And that is what I am doing. 

But why did I burn out now?  I have a thriving business, I am well respected by many in the talent community some even love me, yet, suddenly, it felt different. What I put it down to is that I went to working with a team in an office to being on my own. The safety nets that I have always had that allowed me to cope and mask ADHD were gone. It became apparent that I need to regroup and find a new way to work. 

Regrouping

So as I have said, I am pushing back the September events, will concentrate on making Talentpalooza the ‘must attend, kick arse event’ it has always been, repair some relationships that have suffered from my inattentiveness (hello husband!), and with some very kind assistance from some friends, we are going to do some great things with Talent Table that will continue to add value to my dear talent community. So here is my plan: 

Step 1: Ask for help

If you would like to earn a reduced or free ticket to Talentpalooza, get in touch with me to be a TalPal!  A friend who will help me with great content and speakers and crazy cool ideas to make it the event you want to be part of! Not a lot of work but an ambassador, a sounding board, to bring out your creative side. 

Step 2: Get physical

I will continue with my fabulous strength training at Healthy Fit and you will also find me dancing twice a week at Dance Dynamics. Certainly my lack of coordination is enough to make anyone laugh. I will walk Loopsy Lou and Walker (fur babies) along the creek every day in the sunshine (hello Spring!) 

Step 3: Want a date?

I am making more of an effort to leave my horrible home office (we all know I am not a fan of working at home alone) and meet people for coffee, lunch or sparkling water after work. Yep, I have also given up alcohol - the crutch that was not helping.  But give me a couple of weeks to rest up and then I will gladly find a way to connect with you. October looks good!

Step 4: Remember that you have strengths and mad skills

It would be easy to think that I am a complete failure. Certainly, there is a narrative in my head at the moment that I have 'failed', but I need to take a step back and remember what is so great about me. Because I am fabulous!  James Telfer, a strengths base leadership coach who I reached out to for help, recently did my Clifton Strengths Profile. This week, I had to go back to it to remind myself.  And my strengths are everything that Talent Table is, what I am and what I bring to the table and why it's been a success. So let me share:

• Woo - You love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. You derive satisfaction from

breaking the ice and making a connection with someone.

• Communication - You generally find it easy to put your thoughts into words. You are a good conversationalist and

presenter.

• Positivity - You have contagious enthusiasm. You are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are

going to do.

• Adaptability - You prefer to go with the flow. You tend to be a “now” person who takes things as they come and who

discovers the future one day at a time.

• Developer - You recognise and cultivate the potential in others. You spot the signs of each small improvement and

derive satisfaction from evidence of progress.

• Empathy - You can sense other people’s feelings by imagining yourself in others’ lives or situations.
• Activator - You can make things happen by turning thoughts into action. You want to do things now, rather than

simply talk about them.

Step 5: Community Support 

Steve Gard recently posted about his ADHD diagnosis and many HR and Recruitment contacts reached out to say they also had ADHD or ASD, Samantha Nuttall and Steve have launched a support community on WhatsApp. This is a place to come and talk neurodiversity, share experiences and also chat HR/Recruiting - or just come and read. The conversations, comments and support so far have been heartwarming and extremely helpful, from how to optimise your to-do list to what we would like to see at events.

Come and join us. https://lnkd.in/gDg6hE_2

Step 5: Move forward

I am still here folks. I am still highly functioning but I do need to take some time to regroup and plan and clean up my office!  I am very happy to talk to anyone in a couple of weeks. I would love to hear about any tricks and tips you have for managing burnout and ADHD. 

And I am excited about my future.  It’s just going to be managed a little differently. 

Resources: 

• What is ADHD
• 6 Surprising Signs of Adult ADHD | The Mel Robbins Podcast
• The Lost Girls: ‘Chaotic and curious, women with ADHD all have missed red flags that haunt us’ | Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder | The Guardian
• ADHD Burnout Recovery
• https://infinite-potential.com.au/the-state-of-burnout-2024
• Information | Fluence Clinic